Learning from Mistakes without Driving Yourself Crazy

Trying to learn from past actions is a challenging task for many people. How can you reflect on something you have done and think about how you could do it differently without devolving into destructive self-criticism? In Top Dog, a book about the science of winning and losing, authors Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman address this question. 

It turns out there is a term for these what-if thoughts--counterfactuals, called so because the behavior involves looking at something that did not actually happen. According to research at the University of Illinois, 3% of humans’ thoughts are directed at thinking about things that almost happened or could have happened. Another 6% is spent contrasting the present against the past, or the present against the future. Another 3% is devoted to comparing ourselves to others and to self-evaluation, either negative or positive. 

I’ll take the precision of these numbers with a grain of salt, but they do suggest that a significant portion of some people’s thoughts is spent thinking about “coulda, woulda, shoulda” as well as comparing oneself to others. So the question arises: How can you use these thoughts in a constructive way? If all you do is ruminate about what you should have done, you’ll never get anywhere. At the same time, if you refuse to reflect on your past behavior, you’ll never learn and change. 

The answer is found in researchers’ distinction between additive and subtractive counterfactuals. A subtractive counterfactual is pure regret, while an additive counterfactual involves looking back but at the same time generating some constructive ideas for the future. Researchers who have studied counterfactuals with sales pitches, negotiations and athletic performances have found that those who look back with additive counterfactuals tend to improve with practice, while performance declines for those who look back with subtractive counterfactuals. This makes intuitive sense, as with an additive counterfactual, you are including a thought about something you can do to improve your performance.

What’s the implication of this research for you? When you start thinking about the past, notice how you’re doing it. If it’s all regret without any actionable ideas, you are ruminating and you should try to stop or to redirect your thoughts. If your counterfactuals are additive, keep  up the good work.