Ending Fat Talk

A recent post on the Motherlode blog describes a summer camp’s effort to ban not only “fat talk,” but any talk about appearance. “Fat talk” refers to the almost automatic way people (often but not always women and girls) comment on their bodies. It’s a stream of “I know I shouldn’t eat this, but” “Does this make me look fat?” and “I hate my body part.” It also extends to comments on others’ bodies, as in “You look like you gained/lost weight.” It’s such a pervasive part of conversation that you almost don’t notice it.

For myself, I have tried to disengage from fat talk. I have heard enough from others about how uncomfortable it makes them to have their weight commented on, whether those comments are positive or negative. When it’s negative, it’s pretty straightforward why it’s troubling. When it’s positive, it can make you wonder what people have been thinking all those other times they didn’t say anything about how you look.

However, this camp is taking it a step further and trying to eliminate any commenting on any aspect of a person’s appearance. In place of saying, “You look nice,” they encourage “I feel happy to be around you.”

I imagine it feels a little forced for campers. At the same time, it brings a helpful focus on how much of our thoughts and conversation are tied up with weight and appearance.

It is almost reflexive to think about appearance. I think about it when I see babies. Research has shown that we are more likely to comment on a baby girl’s looks and a baby boy’s strength and ability. I always try to remember that and think of something else to comment on with a baby girl. It’s an extra cognitive step, because it is so ingrained to think about beauty.

I applaud this camp for at least trying to address this issue. It gives campers a summer to think about what else there is to notice about people other than the way they look. Perhaps they can carry it with them the rest of the year.